So here’s something kinda funny and ironic. For whatever reason, out of ALL of the holidays that exist, Valentine’s Day seems to be the ONLY one that I’ve posted for every single year that I’ve been blogging.

I say it’s ironic because what got me into competing in the first place was a horrific breakup with a meathead who I was head-over-heels in love with for over four years. And I haven’t really had any major relationships since. Well, there was my long distance love with “The Cowboy” who I met in Austin, Texas after I won my pro card.

Man, we all had such high hopes for that one, didn’t we? 🙂

Then there was my brief stint a few months back with another well-known vegan bodybuilder in the vegan fitness community.

Haha that sure was an exciting two-minutes of vegan internet gossip eh?

But nope, none of my past Valentine’s Day posts have ever been about “love” OR my personal life.

Apparently, two V-Days ago, I was inspired by my February 14th gym sesh to write a list of the top “dirtiest-looking exercises” but why they’re also highly effective.

Then last year, I shared a Valentine’s Day “vegan meathead sweet treat” recipe. I still make these black bean brownies with vanilla protein frosting all the time!

This year, however, I’ve decided to share some gift ideas for the modern-day fit, bad-ass vegan beeyotch in your life. Perfect for Valentine’s Day, birthdays, Christmas, whatever the occasion, your vegan babe will happily accept any and all of ’em, I promise. And yes, Sam Shorkey will too. 🙂

Note to all potential vegan sugar daddies: I will message you my mailing address privately.

Now then, onto the list!

A Non-Leather Vegan Handbag from GUNAS

I like to pretend I’m fashionable even if 90% of my so-called “fashions” are made from spandex and involve colour coordinating my sports bra to my sneakers. But looking good, no matter where or what you’re doing is important as my mom always says and just because we’re vegan doesn’t mean we have to look like hippies.

My fave online vegan shop for all my fake leather handbag needs has to be GUNAS. Let’s be honest, too many of the synthetic fashions out there… well… they suck. They either look cheap or fall apart after a month’s wear. And fine, maybe I’m a snob when it comes to looking cute but I LOVE when I’m able to prove that non-leather stuff can look just as rich and stylish as a tortured and skinned, dead animal.

Check this little nerd in her red NAOMI bag from GUNAS and Nasty Gal vegan leather jacket. I love this bag because I can dress it up for a night out or down for the gym. AND it’s big enough to contain all of my prepped meals. 🙂

DISCLOSURE: No animals were harmed in the making of this outfit except for when I threw Jesse in the snowbank for photobombing it. 😉

A High-Speed, High-Powered Blendtec Blender

I feel like I’ve been saying forever that I want to buy a top-of-the-line Blendtec or Vitamix high-speed blender. And ridiculously enough, I keep saying that I just can’t justify dropping $400+ on a frigging blender when my hand mixer works fine and I already have a juicer. The irony is that I drop $400 on stupid stuff all the time so why not just get the damn blender already?! And unlike so many of my other stupid purchases (eff you, hair extensions!) I STILL REALLY WANT A BLENDTEC!!

I want to be able to crush walnuts (not only with my ass cheeks) but GRIND them into the finest of nut powders. I want to be able to make protein pancakes in 30 seconds with the hit of a button instead of being forced to use my hand mixer and re-create this embarrassing scene from the documentary about me everyday!

I want to make smoothies where I’m not constantly having to add more water, eat hummus that’s smoother than a baby seal’s skin and serve black bean brownies that don’t contain any visible beans whatsoever. I know that Blendtec is the man for this job. And I WILL have him one day soon.

Freddy Workout Pants, Freddy Jeans, Freddy Faux-Leather Pants, Pretty Much ALL Freddies

Lord have Mercy have you seen how nice these pants make every ass look?!

Not to toot my own horn but I really wanna know what my own ass would look like in them because I already feel like I do Lululemons justice on the daily.

Now imagine my walnut-crushing arse (which is already the size of a small planet) gently lifted and separated and contained oh-so-snuggly inside a pair Freddies.

Mmmmmmm FANT-ASS-TIC, I know. But at almost $200 Canadian per pair, I convince myself that I get far more value out of my $50 gym pass. BUTT (no pun intended) if anyone else wants to buy some Freddies FOR ME, I promise to walk in front of you at all times whilst wearing them. 😉

Vegan Tanks & Sweatshirts from Shirt Activism

I’m the first to admit that I’m a peacock at the gym. And when I’m struttin’ around, peacockin’ to anyone and everyone how strong and colour coordinated I am, I also love to make it known that I’m vegan.

Becoming more and more obnoxiously “in-your-face vegan” with each year that passes just comes with the territory, doesn’t it? You’re damn right my laptop is plastered in stickers, car adorned in bumper stickers and Jacked on the Beanstalk boulder shoulders fitted into a sleeveless tank that’s plastered with a witty and/or thought provoking vegan message. 🙂

And I’m not just adding Shirt Activism to my V-Day “want list” because they also sell my own branded gear….

Oh, did you not know that Jacked on the Beanstalk vegan gym gear exists? Oh, well then… please allow me to innocently share some of the designs with you.

Oh and look — there’s that “Vegan Swolemates” logo again!

Now available in SHIRT FORM!

***V-DAY SPECIAL: Discount code Shorkey10 gets you 10% off your entire order! WHAT A DEAL!***

Okay, okay… All jokes and sales pitches aside, I really do think it’s important to show the rest of the world what vegan muscle looks like and I really do try to rep my peeps often! I especially love Shirt Activism because it’s run by my pal Anne-Marie Campbell of MeatFreeAthlete.com. And $1 from every sale is donated to vegan non-profit outreach organizations and animal sanctuaries so what’s not to love?!

A Gift Basket of Vegan Bodybuilding Goodies

How’s this for a fun gift idea for the vegan meathead in your life? Get a wicker laundry basket (’cause you know we sweaty bastards need that too) and fill it up with everything from BCAAs and glutamine to powdered PB and Jacked on the Beanstalk Vegan Protein Powder 

Let’s face it, protein powder, vitamins and supplements aren’t cheap! So if the object of your affection’s kitchen cupboards look anything like mine i.e. a pharmacy or supplement warehouse, she will DEFINITELY appreciate a gift basket full of her daily sport nutrition must-haves.

Not sure what to fill it with? Check out my list of vegan supplement suggestions here. And be sure to include a dark chocolate bar, tub of natural peanut butter, bag of hemp hearts and some dried fruit for good measure.

A Pair of Grizzly Grabbers

Another vegan bodybuilding “Sam Shorkey must-have” is a pair of Grizzly Grabber lifting straps. I seriously don’t deadlift with anything but these. And if you throw a pair of these into your gift basket above, you will score MAJOR bonus points, trust me!

I can’t even begin to express how much I love my Grizzly Grabbers. They’re like a lifting strap, wrist support mechanism and grippy glove all in one. I’ve been using these for years and credit my beast-like deadlifting to them completely. Well, I suppose my ass strength might have something to do with it too. But seriously, I HIGHLY recommend these to anyone who wants to up their deadlifting game.

And lastly, I have to include my latest obsession and expensive habit….

Fancy Balsamic Vinegar from The Unrefined Olive

Now that I’m in my 30s, I’ve replaced late-night boozing at bars with daytime balsamic vinegar sipping at The Unrefined Olive’s tasting bar. I honestly feel like a kid in a candy store at this place. And somehow, I end up spending over $100 on vinegar every time I leave! But much like fashion, I’ve also become a snob when it comes to cooking. And when you’re eating as much salad as I am, the cheap grocery store balsamic just doesn’t compare to a pear and cranberry-infused white balsamic that costs $25 a bottle. 🙂

And there you have it, kids! Happy Valentine’s Day!

And for all my single vegan pals, remember that the gym will be super empty on the 14th so enjoy the open space using five machines at once. And who knows – you just might meet a potential swolemate while you’re at it. 😉

-Sam Shorkey, Jacked on the Beanstalk