Pumpkin Spice Protein Cake Plus My Best-Ever Sexy & Disturbing Halloween Costumes

Pumpkin Spice Protein Cake Plus My Best-Ever Sexy & Disturbing Halloween Costumes

Halloween this year has made me realize that I’m finally a “grown up.”

For the first time in what seems like forever, I haven’t dropped a small fortune on a brilliantly-planned and mildly inappropriate Halloween costume. In fact, this is the first Halloween EVER that I’m not even really celebrating PERIOD. Instead, I’m at home watching 20/20, drinking tea and writing this recipe blog post.

I don’t want to say it’s because “oh, how times have changed” or I just don’t enjoy being drunk rocking a wizard’s beard anymore. I still plan to have a zombie/vampire themed wedding one day (if and when I ever tie the knot of course.)

But truthfully, at this moment in time, I just find myself putting more focus on inner-self and less focus on outer-self. And I guess it’s just kinda worked out that in trying to live a more “mindful life,” I somehow didn’t get around to creating a Sexy Admiral Ackbar costume.

sexy admiral ackbar

Regardless, I could never let my most favourite holiday of ALL pass without doing some kind of commemoration. So naturally, I’m sharing a healthy Halloween protein cake recipe and sprinkling it with not only raw and unsalted pumpkin seeds but disturbing, slutty costume pics from Halloweens past.

What a treat, eh? Or is it a trick? MUAH-HA-HA-HA!

Ever since I went vegan, I’ve been missing Starbucks’ Pumpkin Scones and pumpkin spice lattes like men miss the toilet whilst peeing….

Sadly, in addition to not being vegan, Starbucks’ delicious autumn treats are also a far cry from being healthy. But the thought of them every damn October nevertheless inspired me to create my own vegan meathead pumpkin spice concoctions.

I’m almost as creative with pumpkin baking as I am with highly offensive, religious leader Halloween costumes…

offensive sexy disturbing halloween costumes sexy jesus and sexy rabbi

I’m totally losing followers for this one, aren’t I? But wait, just wait! Did I mention my pumpkin protein cake is gluten free, sweetened with brown rice syrup and uses chickpea flour to help boost protein content and lower carbs? It also contains my very own Jacked on the Beanstalk vanilla protein powder and gets its moist cakey texture from good-for-your-liver avocado oil. 🙂

I carefully sculpted this cake into a jack-o-lantern shape just like I carefully sculpted this custom-made Klingon forehead the year we KILLED IT as Star Trek “Star Fleet” officers.

star-trek-babes sexy star wars nerd girls sam shorkey

You know what they say: Vulcan in the streets, Klingon in the sheets!

Let’s get on with the recipe already, shall we?


Pumpkin Spice Protein Cake


1/3 cup brown rice syrup (maple syrup would also work)
2 Tbsp. molasses
1/4 cup avocado oil (or coconut oil)
2 flax eggs (2 Tbsp. ground flax seed + 2 Tbsp. water left to sit for a few minutes until it turns into a gel-like mixture)1 heaping cup of organic pumpkin puree
1 tsp. vanilla extract
1 cup chickpea (garbanzo bean) flour
1 scoop Jacked on the Beanstalk vanilla vegan protein powder
2 tsp. ground cinnamon
1/2 tsp. ground ginger
1/2 tsp. nutmeg
1 Tbsp. baking powder
3/4 tsp. sea salt
1/2 cup raw pumpkin seeds


Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Combine rice syrup, oil, molasses, flax eggs, vanilla and pumpkin puree in medium-sized bowl. Mix well then add all dry ingredients except for the pumpkin seeds. You’ll be saving those for the top of the cake. Stir to combine.

Pour cake batter into a lightly greased 9 x 9 inch baking pan. Or bonus if you can steal a Jack-o-lantern shaped, novelty cake pan from your parents’ house. If you’re using a fun-shaped pan, be sure to line it with parchment paper so the cake comes out easily.

Sprinkle pumpkin seeds over top of the cake then bake at 350 degrees F for a solid 45 minutes. Be sure to let it cool before eating. In fact, it’s better to eat the next day once it’s had some time to set/harden up. It is, after all, gluten-free, healthy vegan meathead baking. But I promise you will love it.

Almost as much as you Star Wars nerds love this:

sexy yoda

Sexy Yoda, I am! And yes, huge nerd I also am!

Hope everyone has an awesome Halloween whether you’re partying it up all over town or staying home, watching Hocus Pocus.

And if you actually made it to the end of this post, please share what YOUR best Halloween costume was/is and the best one will win a copy of my eBook.

Happy Halloween, vegan fit crew! And please tell me you’re at least old enough to know who the Golden Girls are because we SLAYED it…

golden girls halloween costume

Obviously I was Blanche…

Until we blog again,

-Sam aka Jacked on the Beanstalk

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  • Sam: December 09, 2016

    Aww thanks Vicki!! I wish I could say that I’m talented enough to create the pumpkin shape from scratch but alas, it’s a pumpkin-shaped cake pan that I stole from my parents’ place :)

  • Vicki: December 09, 2016

    LOL! I love it! How did you make the pumpkin face?

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