The Vegan and the Beef Farmer: When Sexuality and Morality Collide
Last summer, my life took an unexpected turn and somehow, I ended up right back where I grew up: in my parents’ log home– in the deep bush of the Ottawa Valley–after 10 years living in Canada’s vegan heaven aka Vancouver, BC.
It’s a long story as to WHY I moved back home but the quick version is that things didn’t exactly work out with the Texas Cowboy. And with all my life belongings packed away into a Vancouver storage locker and me not quite sure WTF I was doing with my life, I decided to head home into the forest and hopefully “find myself” again.
Pfffffhhh “find myself.” More like find the nearest gym! And find a good one, did I ever! I immediately fell in love with Heritage Fitness in Carleton Place (a few towns over and to this day, still THE best gym I’ve ever worked out at.)
How could you not want to crush weights at this cute & quaint, yet large & vastly-equipped fitness facility?
I also started crushing hard on one of its members. The perfect kind of beefcake; quiet & mysterious, not douchey or cocky. He was a strapping lad who bore an uncanny resemblance to a young (but jacked) Luke Skywalker.
I dug that we had similar gym styles. We trained hard. We kept to ourselves. We were always focused on our workouts, both super sweaty by the end of ’em and apparently, both super attracted to each other. Which is, of course, precisely why we never smiled or said “hi” even ONCE in those five months…
And as all good things come to an end, after a solid five months of making up for lost time, living with Mom and Dad, I was ready to fly the nest. But being so close to them was really great and a positive enough experience to make me set up shop in the nearest “big” city. It’s now been six months since I’ve moved into Ottawa and I really do love seeing my parents and my sister on the regular.
And as luck would have it, a few days ago, I was pleasantly surprised to see a few insta “likes” from my old Beefcake Jedi Gym Crush. And get this! Not only is he a powerlifting smoke show but he’s also a 2016 nationally-winning champion bodybuilder!
Yeahhhhh bruhhhh! I thought the swole-gods must’ve been smiling down upon me! 😉
I was already digging out my Princess Leia slave costume and fantasizing about spotting him as he effortlessly bench presses well over 250 lbs. until he disclosed the WORST fact about himself EVER!
My BEEF CAKE lived on AND operated a BEEF FARM!!!!
NOOOOOOOOO!!! WHAT?!?!?! WHY?!?!
I know, I know. But first, I would like to say props to him for being upfront about it right away (and giving me permission to blog about it.) Keep in mind this dude found me on instagram (where I don’t exactly hide the fact that I’m vegan.) And instead of thinking purely with his ummmm, light saber… within a few short messages, he openly divulged this traumatizing info to me.
Truthfully, I’ve only ever dated one vegan guy because let’s face it, jacked vegan dudes are few and far between. And so, I don’t limit my dates to vegan men because if I did, I would probably be single forever.
I’m a muscular girl. And I can’t help that I’m physically attracted to muscular guys (Iet’s not forget I’m also a TRAINER!) And so, as important as veganism is to me, physical attraction is also important.
Unfortunately I’ve yet to meet many jacked dudes in Ottawa who share my moral compass let alone dietary choices.
What’s especially interesting about this situation is that I had many differing thoughts run through my mind. And what’s ironic is that here we were, two fitness freaks who devote so much time, passion and energy to the same lifestyle on both a physical and mental level. But on an ethical and moral scale, we couldn’t be anymore opposite.
And even still, for a split second, my sexuality and morality were kinda having an internal battle with each other. I felt guilty for wanting him. I wanted to strangle him and make out with him. I wanted to somehow justify a date with him even though I kept thinking about the many innocent lives he’s taken and probably not felt any remorse for.
Apparently, he had the same realization because he sent this message soon after:
Okay so it’s obvious that a vegan “meathead” and a beef farming “beefcake” could never be swolemates. But it really did make me question just how far my own morals run.
Is there really THAT much difference in dating a meat-eater who buys it from the grocery store vs. the guy who slaughters the cow himself?
Obviously both are not a vegan’s ideal parter. But it begs the question to those of us who date non-vegans: where do you draw the line?
Would you have peaced out at the first mention of “beef farmer” and immediately start blasting him with links to Earthlings and Cowspiracy? Or would you have just gone with the flow? Stay open-minded and just naturally get to know him, without trying to pass **too much** judgement?
OR would you have let your hormones get the best of you and show him how a true Jedi uses a light saber and give him the FULL VEGAN EXPERIENCE before stuffing outreach pamphlets into his underwear drawer?
I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.
As I always say, I don’t preach, I inspire. And maybe as instagram pals, I can show this country boy a thing or two about the ways of a holistic hippie. 🙂
Hahaha I was waiting for someone to notice that. I studied Journalism. I feel you, believe me. :)
Let me preface this by saying I am NOT vegan, so I obviously am not offended by someone who eats meat. However, I try to get my beef as humanely as possible, and purchase at least 80% of the meat I eat from a local rancher who produces grass fed beef and lamb. I know where my cow lived, how it was treated, how it dies and is processed. I would rethink dating someone who works on a factory farm but if this is a small ranch with cared for animals, I wouldn’t have an issue. And that being said, I would be out after seeing he used the word “your” when he should have used “you’re”.
HAHAHAHAHA oh man. I am LOVING you ladies and your comments oh so much. Believe me, that thought has definitely crossed my mind. And even though there was literally nothing going on between us, I’m STILL thinking about him several times a day but now in more of a depressing way! I keep wondering is he killing animals RIGHT NOW?! How many animals has he killed today?! And the most ironic part of all is that when he told me about living on a beef farm, I was literally in the midst of doing vegan outreach with a group of local activists. Messed up, right!? I think I’m going to need the vodka whatever the outcome ;)
Catch flies with agave BAHAHAHAHAHA! You totally made me laugh out loud too. And I LOVE this response as I can obviously relate to you completely. I’m also really glad that people didn’t get nasty with their comments on this topic. I tried to keep it light but yes, of course, it IS a big deal in many ways. And as minor of a thing as it was with this particular guy, it really touches on such a bigger picture. Definitely a hot vegan topic and thanks so much for sharing your thoughts, Tara :)
Oh boy! You word things so sarcastically I was laughing out loud!.. and yet really thinking hard about this whole subject! ..I am married to a meat eater… I wonder as vegans if our moral compass differs and gets stronger with experience. I have not dated many guys seriously..one was vegetarian and NOT my type and the other is now my husband a “Typical American Meat Eater”.. I have already fallen in love but as I connect more and more to my my heart… it gets harder to ignore. I am the same – I don’t push my values because I know that negative forceful messages and pictures only harden peoples hearts and that the best way to catch flies is with “Agave”, lol….. With what I know…if I were single right now … I think I would actually prefer to hang out with my tub of protein, a cup of tea, and a good happy documentary. Definitely a good topic Sam! <3 So happy you are happy truly being yourself again by the way! ;-) <3
This was a grsat5read, and extra bonus for Mark Hamel plug ;) Being married to a meat eater, I battle everyday with my internal (and sometimes external) thoughts of “why” and “i wish” that he wouldn’t eat animals. I am disgusted with the smell, the look and the thought of each meal he consumes. Although, he ate meat when I met him almost 20 years ago, and I ate fish. Sooooo, that being said, I have to remember why I fell in love with him (Yes his body was part of it). If you don’t think you can get past that, then don’t torture yourself. On the other hand, there is nothing wrong with having some extra curricular activities with him….maybe Vodka induced to help you forget his life choice;)
Haha sad but true, Romana. Two oh-so-different lifestyles and upbringings which unfortunately would always be a HUGE issue no matter how well he uses his light saber ;)
Hi, A vegan should have their values run deep. I know it hurts, his light sabre is just as disappointed as your princess Leah costume…. It sucks. But it’s life
Awww what a great story, Bronwyn! Thanks for sharing :) That’s awesome your hubby and family have made so many changes. As I always say, you can’t change anyone but yourself. But sometimes that changes everything. You never know, right? All the best and wait until you see my yoga wheel post coming soon. New fave toy!!! :)
Good read. I married my meat eating gym going boyfriend and had a child together. In this time he had a go at raw vegan for a month before deciding he felt great without meat and now lives a vegetarian life and doing his best to be vegan. Had i turned a blind eye because he was a meat eater we would not be here today with a beautiful family raising two vegan girls and another who i am finding hard to convince (i had 2 kids from previous marriage). My eldest is vegan by default at home but eats meat when with others. I love her regardless of course My hubby was open to change and together we bring more compassion into the world through our family and my yoga business where we teach non violence and hold regular vegan potlucks. Never give up i say . X
Haha love it. Touching, truthful and hilarious. Thanks for sharing your thoughts <3
This is a fantastic post. I read it out loud to Matt. We both agree that there is way more chance to convert a meat eater to open his eyes and his mind, then someone who’s life AND career revolve around slaughter and the consumption of meat. A vegan should have their values run deep. I know it hurts, his light sabre is just as disappointed as your princess Leah costume…. It sucks. But it’s life…. There are vegan guys, vegetarian guys, meat eating guys, and then there are those that call the slaughter of animals their job. Those are out. It’s not okay and it would drown out everything else. You did the right thing.
Well said, Jess!! Definitely a worthwhile discussion no matter how you look at it and definitely one that made me really reflect on how important veganism is to me. Thanks for reading :)
Always an entertaining read, Sam! As for your question… what’s the difference between someone who eats meat and someone who slaughters the cow… I don’t think there’s really a difference, morally speaking. And whether or not you decide to date that person depends on whether or not you would be able to live with that decision. No one else can tell you what to do in that regard.
[…] to entertain you with my random romantic adventures from “The Cowboy” to the “Cow Killer.” Or the “Shallow Sugar Daddy” to my most recent: the “Vegan […]